City Life Starter

Written by Stefan Johnsson

Excerpt from Broken Souls

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

The words echoed in my head, louder and louder, until it became unbearable. How could I, a mere mortal, be kneeling in the throne room of the Almighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. I should have been in awe, but that was a fleeting thought. Nothing in me inspired praise for God at this moment in time.

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

“Noooooo!” I cried out. I covered my ears in a fleeting attempt to drown the voices of the angels. I…am…not…worthy. There was no purity within me, my clothes were dirty and ragged compared to the white robes of the heavenly hosts around me. My sin was laid bare…all I had done coursed through my mind, reminding me of how unholy, how broken, how selfish, and how conceited I had been. I wanted to disappear, to fall through the floor, to forget where I was. I sought darkness, a sanctuary away from God’s judgment. I would give my life for this, anything rather than His throne room, this place of holiness.

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

It was too much to take. Tears filled my eyes, dripping on to the floor as it marred the reflection of myself, a perfect metaphor of my imperfections. I had to disappear, to forget my wrongs, my faults, and my sin. All I could do was try and make myself as small as I could, hoping that the floor would swallow me up. The stones refused to obey my commands as it was a strong foundation that could not be moved.

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

I was overcome with sorrow and grief for all I had done wrong. I pulled at my hair in a vain attempt to remove the memories flooding through my mind. All my life I had thought that I was good enough and that I was better than other people, but not until I was in the presence of God did I realize how badly I missed the mark. The darkness inside overwhelmed me.

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

“I know!”, I cried with a hope to quiet the angels. I understand, there is nothing that I could do to fix what I had done. All that I was left with was my memories and pain. I deserve the judgment, the punishment.

“Please,” I begged, “send me away, let me pay for my sins.” There is nothing more righteous, nothing more deserving of justice than condemning me for all I had done.

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

The words increased in strength, but I was spent. I had nothing left but sorrow. Dejected and humbled, I could only wait for the verdict, the decree from God.

“Holy, Holy, Holy!”

In my emptiness, where I could fall no lower, I felt a warmth, a gentle hand on my shoulder. As I watched in astonishment, I could see my clothes turning white, removing all the shame and sin which had covered my body. A feeling of freedom, a cleansing was being done from within. I knew it, I knew it was Jesus Himself. He took my sin from me, the thoughts, the deeds in my mind. They began to feel as a distant memory, a past life that was no longer part of who I am.

He whispered to me, “I paid the price for your sins. I bought the debt. I took it upon myself so that you can be free.”

“I know,” I said, “but I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

“It was not your choice to make. I did it out of love. Now go, sin no more. Tell others the good news,” Jesus replied. And with a powerful voice, He added, “I will be with you.”

As I opened my eyes, the feeling of warmth remained. I realized that I could not live my life in grief any longer and the condemnation began to fade. Jesus took it away and I was here to live my life for Him. I knew He was with me, to change me from the inside each and every day. A smile began to slowly cover my face.

The echoes of the angels could still be heard in my head, as they sang in worship, “Holy…holy….holy, is the Lord God Almighty!”