City Life Starter

Written by Scott Fiddler

The Word

28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30 because we are members of His body.

Ephesians 5:28-30

Reflection

In the Coen Brothers’ movie, Intolerable Cruelty, there is a scene where Miles Massey (George Clooney) stands before an organization of divorce attorneys—N.O.M.A.N. (the National Organization of Matrimonial Attorneys Nationwide)—at their convention in Las Vegas. Massey has had an epiphany: he is casting off the cynicism that has enabled him to dissolve marriages for profit so successfully for years because he has fallen in love. And, as he is giving his impassioned speech, one can see behind him a large screen with the group’s motto prominently written: “… Let N.O.M.A.N. put asunder.”  It’s a small funny detail in a very entertaining movie that is classic Coen Brothers. 

What is absent, of course, and replaced by the ellipsis is, “What God has put together….” Jesus said that when man and woman come together in marriage they become “one flesh”; therefore, Jesus said, “they are no longer two.” Matthew 19:6. There are at least two inferences one can draw from the one-flesh phenomenon of marriage, and both lead to imperatives. The first is the point Jesus makes: No man (nor N.O.M.A.N.) should separate what God has put together. 

The second inference is the one Paul addresses: If the two become one flesh, then if the man is not treating his wife well, it will adversely affect him. If the man demeans his wife to others, whether he realizes it or not, he is demeaning himself. It does not elevate him above his wife but brings him down with his wife. Conversely, if a man cherishes (protects and cares for lovingly) his wife, he is really caring for himself because the care he bestows on his wife ensures to his benefit. If a man nourishes (helps grow and stay in good health and condition) his wife, it is good for his growth, health, and condition. “So,” Paul states, “husbands ought also to love their own wives as their bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28.

Remarkably, Paul is appealing to self-interest. He is telling the Christian men in Ephesus they can get their Ayn Rand and Adam Smith on because this is a time when acting in their own self-interest can achieve God’s will, if only they will realize it. And, to put an exclamation point on the argument, Paul gives the example of Jesus who sacrificed for His bride, His “body,” the Church.

Application

Paul’s words above are for married Christian men. And the question for us is, “Are we cherishing and caring for our wives the way we would cherish and care for ourselves?” We should because she is we.

Prayer

Lord, help me to exhibit the love of Jesus to my wife. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.