City Life Starter

I. The Word:

“What is desirable in a man is his kindness . . . “ Proverbs 19:22

“Thus has the Lord of hosts said, ‘Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion each to his brother’.” Zachariah 7:9

“Or do you think lightly of the richness of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” Romans 2:4

II. Study Questions

1. If you are single, is kindness something you look for in a future spouse?

2. If you are married, do you want your spouse to change? What should your role be if any?

3. If you are married, do you say hurtful things to your spouse that you wouldn’t even say to a friend?

Kindness: Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses; benignity of nature. Kindness ever accompanies love (Websters 1828)

Last weekend Scott and I went to Cancun, Mexico for a wedding. Scott was officiating the wedding and I just went as a spouse (the fun part – no responsibility!). We were surrounded by young people in their late 20’s, mostly lawyers because the bride and groom were both attorneys. When the girls found out how long I had been married, they all asked me what was the secret to a long marriage and what was the best advice I had for what to look for in a future husband.

Those of you who know me well have heard this response before – kindness.

What? No goosebumps or sex appeal? I’m not saying those don’t exist in my marriage but I am saying that treating each other with the kindness that comes from allowing Holy Spirit to sanctify us is one of the qualities that keep the love eternally flourishing.

I’m always shocked when counseling a couple and I learn that things have been said that one wouldn’t even say to a friend (or they wouldn’t have any friends! ). If speaking harshly or uttering hurtful comments don’t work with friends, why would it work with a spouse? Years ago I knew a man who always worked late. This was often required in his job, but even when it wasn’t, he stayed at work late. He loved his wife but as soon as he got home he receives a barrage of unkind words, so much so that bitterness had built up over the years because of the way they spoke to one another. This was not irrevocable; remember “the kindness of God leads to repentance,” and the kindness of a spouse towards another can also lead to repentance.

Read 2Peter 1:1-11. Brotherly kindness leads to love and if these qualities are ours “the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.”

I feel very blessed to have a spouse for whom kindness is a part of his nature and because he depends on the Holy Spirit and walks closely with Jesus, I am the biggest recipient of kindness and grace, which I need abundantly in my life!