Written by Paul Lane
The Word
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for [corresponding to] him.”
22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made [built] into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”Genesis 2:18,22-23 ESV
13 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. 2 And great crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. 3 And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, 6 but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. 7 Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. 8 Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears [to hear], let him hear.”
Matthew 13:1-9 ESV
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:8-9 ESV
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:13 ESV
Reflection 1
“If you asked a lover what he wanted, the true reply would often be, ‘I want to go on thinking about her.’” C. S. Lewis – The Four Loves
There is an aspect of love, and marriage, that is there at the start. In fact, it is there for you always, but as life and time wears on a soul, it is forgotten. There is life and pleasure in musing over the beloved. Musing is not enough for growth to occur. In fact, it will take a softening of the heart to the beloved for the lover to move past the musing and on to other things. But the musing is still there to be had always, if your heart is willing, and not hardened to it.
Application 1
(Matthew 13:4 – Hard Soil) Let not the seeds of love fall on the hardened ground. Or if it has found hard fallen ground, soften the soil. There is a difference between wanting to love and being willing to love.
Reflection 2
“It is the very mark of Eros (romantic love) that when he had in us, we would rather share unhappiness with the beloved than be happy on any other terms. Even when the impossibility of happiness in marriage with the beloved becomes practically clear, Eros never hesitates to say, ‘better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Better our two hearts should break together than mend and be whole apart.’ If the passion within you does not say this, it is not Eros.” C. S. Lewis – The Four Loves
There is something about love, and marriage, that pursues something beyond happiness. We, being something more than just the chemical impulses that spark up from time to time, need a circumstance that is more enduring than our last emotion or two. There is something deeply satisfying and enduring about sharing anything, whether it is good or bad. In fact, it often occurs that when two people begin a friendship because of a difficult time or a traumatic experience, the relationship endures. While relationships that begin over the gentlest circumstances often fade. When human relationships overcome the rocks of life, a more significant thing often grows.
Application 2
(Matthew 13:5-6 – Rocky Soil) It would seem that the letting go of things is good here. Those things of the past need not rule the day. The holding on to things increases the likelihood that the lover and beloved remain in this state. The old gone now makes space for the new to grow.
Reflection 3
“A passion can only move us, only supply incentive and energy. It is merely the dive that gets us into the water. Once in, swimming, not diving, is the thing.” C. S. Lewis – The Four Loves
There is something about love, and marriage, that overcomes and blossoms. It is quite true that the time of courtship and the time of marriage are very different. While courtship is full of emotion and pleasure and discovery, marriage is full of responsibility and duties and vow keeping. However, marriage is not the replacing of the one with the other. Rather, in marriage, responsibility and duty and vow keeping are added to those things found in courtship. As the attributes of a circle are retained when then making a ball, so too are the attributes of courtship retained in marriage, if one is able to keep a soft heart of love and devotion.
Application 3
(Matthew 13:7 – Thorns of Distraction) If you recognize that marriage is hard and that work is needed, the hardness of marriage is softened, the work is lightened, and the relationship is strengthened. This is the opportunity to become a team. So, the difficult time the lover is having is no longer because of the beloved, it is now an opportunity to be with the beloved overcoming all that this present day is pressing on them.
Reflection 4
“I’m working on getting a PhD in Christine Ross.” Jay Ross
Marriage is not a static picture or a self-cleaning oven. It is a work of the heart, in which each partner pursues the benefit of the other, even if nothing were coming back to them. Consider two parallel dashed lines, in which the dashes do not line up. Sometimes there is a gap in the one line, other times there is a gap in the other. Also note that the number and length of the dashes are not the same. Together they can make a solid and unbroken line, but to do so, each one must work to get rid of their own gaps, and to be willing to let the line of the other suffice when they do have gaps. Now imagine that there is a third solid line which is never broken. This is the line of grace that God brings and works within them.
Application 4
(Matthew 13:8; I Corinthians 13:13) Let these things remain, and do not lose sight of the beloved, for it is a model of the love that Christ has for you. Let musing of the beloved teach you of the songs that God sings over you. Let the growth of the beloved teach you of the nurture that God provides for you. And let the grace for the beloved teach you of God’s grace for you, for it is unabashed where you are concerned.
Application 5
It is interesting to think of these four quotes in the context of Jesus’ Parable of the Sower. The muse of the beloved is like the initial sowing of the seed, full of hope and possibility, however the future growth of that seed will be dependent on the hardness or softness of one’s heart. The devotion to the beloved must be based on something more than feelings and the initial excitement of it all. We are not simple beings, so we should not expect for our loves to be simple. The passion we have for the beloved must be understood to be higher. So we must be willing to do the work of tending to our hearts. And our daily walk with the beloved must be plain and simple. Though high and elevated, our loves must be unmistakably human and intentional.
We must live our loves as master gardeners, looking to grow what is intended and to prune and throw out that which is not intended. We must care for the plant in such a way that it grows, and we must remove the things that keep it from growing.
Prayer
Lord, I pray for grace in my relationship with my beloved. Teach me to soften my heart when needed. Teach me to do that work that is needed, and to no delay. Also, teach me to receive from my beloved, so that pride might not rule my heart. Lovingly I pray, amen.
City Life Starter 
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