Written by Scott Fiddler
The Word
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:31-32 (ESV)
Reflection
Ugh. That’s a hard saying.
I know what you’re thinking, “Why don’t you just focus on helping people solve their marital problems rather laying down the law?” There is good reason: almost everything Jesus said about marriage was either about the sanctity of marriage or the prohibition of divorce, which are two sides of the same coin (See e.g., Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18).
Jesus didn’t give advice about understanding your spouse’s “love language, ” nor did He talk in metaphors about women being from Venus, and men being from Mars. Instead, Jesus gives us cold hard law: marriage is for life, except for very limited circumstances. Instead of pushing back against this uncomfortable command, we need to ask why Jesus might have issued it. Three reasons come to mind, two of which are practical and one of which is spiritual.
First, by restricting divorce, Jesus forces us to commit to making our marriages work. This forces us to deal with challenges like forgiveness and personal change.
If I’m offended by a friend, I can always find a new one; if I’m offended in a marriage, I must learn to forgive. If my boss demands I improve my attitude, I can always look for a new job. If my attitude is destroying my marriage, I must change my attitude. Loosening the restrictions on divorce removes the pressure that brings personal transformation, and personal transformation is a key to a happy marriage. In short, restricting the possibility of an easy divorce increases the probability of a happy marriage.
Jesus’ restrictions on divorce also creates security for married couples, or it should. That security creates the context for vulnerability, and vulnerability is a condition for intimacy. Conversely, the easier a society makes it for couples to divorce, the more difficult a society makes it for couples to be intimate.
Application
There is also a spiritual reason for Jesus’ restrictions on divorce. Jesus explained, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female . . . and the two shall become one flesh? . . . What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. (Matthew 19:4-6).
In other words, God does something supernatural when people get married. I don’t need to understand it. I just need to know, as Jesus says, that to divorce is to break apart something God has joined together. That scares me. It scared the disciples (See Matthew 19:10). It should scare all of us. I think it was intended to.
Prayer
Lord, thank You for Your commandments that create the possibility for happy marriages. Amen.
City Life Starter 
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