City Life Starter

I. The Word- Psalms 32:3-4

3While I kept silence, my body wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

Reflection Questions

1. What are you deepest, darkest, most secretive sins?
2. How does keeping them hidden affect you?

David expresses the joy of forgiveness in Psalm 32, and today’s verses describe his experience with sin just before accepting God’s grace. His imagery here is quite grotesque. As he is quietly holding onto his sin, he feels as though life itself is being taken from him. The deep discomfort occurs day and night without ceasing. He even describes feeling conviction from God, described as God’s “hand”, weighing on him to repent. These verses mean that we were not created for sin, and holding it close will allow it to devour us from the inside out. Fortunately, God is ready to take the load and restore him to His glory; He’s just waiting for him to admit his wrongs and let them go

Application

I recently took a personality test as part of my Psychiatry rotation in medical school; the results showed I avoid admitting my faults while placing all my identity in my positive attributes. I’ve always somewhat known this about myself, but to have it intricately explained in a report by someone who’s never met me was sobering. The report went on to explain that this habit inhibits others from learning anything genuine about my personality; I apparently cover up so much of my flaws that you can’t even find who I am.

When I examine my struggles with Christianity, this finding explains all of it. I’d much rather intellectually justify my actions than admit my sin; the thought of stating that I’m wrong terrifies me. Just like today’s verses describe, hiding in silence from my unrighteousness erodes my identity. My secret sins slowly permeate my thoughts, motivations, and actions to the point where I let go of who God has called me to be. I bet they do for you too. Yes, the reality of who we are is bleak, but we must face it to fully experience God’s unfailing love.