City Life Starter

I. The Word: Matthew 18:4-6

4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

II. Study Questions

1. What does it mean when God said, “it is not good for man to be alone?”

2. What was the original intent for the marriage?

3. What was Adam’s response when God confronted him of his action?

I recently presided over a wedding, which was a first for me. I was asked to prepare the message for the couple. It got me to thinking about marriage. When I was asked to write the Starter post on relationships, and then J.R. Ruiz preached on marriage Sunday, I thought it might be helpful to adapt what I wrote for the wedding.

When the Lord said it was not good for man to be alone, He was revealing the universal need we all have for community, and the community has its highest calling in the union of man and wife in marriage. Marriage is not merely a social contract or even a covenant; it is a mystical union in which, Jesus said, man and wife become “one flesh.” Because God is involved in effectuating this mystical union, Jesus said no person should attempt to separate it.

Being one flesh implies a unity of purpose, priorities, and principals. Being one flesh means you and your spouse will develop your own private culture: inside jokes only you will understand, memories only you will have experienced, and dreams only you, as a couple, will share. You give to each other, not only because you love one another but because in giving to one another you are contributing to a union for which you both have pledged all. As you give yourselves fully to one another you develop a deeper trust of one another, and with that trust, true intimacy.

This was the original intent for marriage, and it is what Adam and Eve enjoyed in the Garden of Eden until they disobeyed the only prohibition God had given them. The result: Adam and Eve immediately felt guilt and shame for their wrong and attempted to cover it with fig leafs. When the Lord came looking for Adam, Adam hid from God. When God confronted Adam about what he had done, Adam’s response was, “The woman you gave me; she gave to me from the tree and I ate.” In short, man ran from God, tried to cover rather than confess his wrong, and then blamed his spouse.

From Adam’s experience, there are three lessons that can help anyone in developing a better marriage. They are three things Cindy and I have practiced for twenty-seven years, and they have served us well.

First, always treat one another with kindness. This simple piece of advice will go a long way toward preserving trust and intimacy. But when you are wrong and hurt one another, don’t try to cover or make excuses, like Adam did. Admit it and apologize quickly. Had Adam quickly repented to God he might have avoided his next error.

Second, never, ever, speak badly about one another to others. Talking badly about your spouse only reflects poorly on you. You have become one flesh, so by speaking badly about your spouse you are speaking badly about yourself. Honoring each other to others will bring honor to your marriage and to you. Adam gained nothing by blaming his wife for what he had done, and I’m sure it caused mistrust and compromised their intimacy going forward.

And lastly, always be seeking the Lord and not running away from Him. As long as you are both seeking God change is always possible and no problem is unsolvable.