Before I gave my life to Christ, I remember truly believing that I was a Christian simply because I had learned about Jesus dying on the cross, and for the most part, I didn’t question if it had truly happened. I didn’t try to study and prove its error, so I counted that as true belief when people would explain to me that you are a Christian if you believe that Jesus is your Lord and Savior. It wasn’t until later as a freshman in college I realized that I had not yet been “cut to the heart.” It was during a sermon at one of our campus events that I started to feel for the first time what that truly meant. The gospel started making me feel two opposites at the same time. I understood that I was deeply flawed and nothing that I could do or prepare for would change that, but at the same time I felt loved in a new and lasting way because there was someone who offered to take on every flaw and sin so that I could have eternal life. Jesus dying on the cross wasn’t just some thing I learned about once before, it now became personal to me. It propelled me, and gave me courage to respond the way that Peter calls us to respond – to repent and be baptized, which would then allow me to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit – which comes from the Lord, so I had to trust that it was good.

I share that story with you to give you perspective of what my response is to these questions. As a girl who didn’t grow up as a Christian, there were a lot of things about following Jesus that scared me, and I didn’t want to change what I seemed to be an already “perfect life.” Following Jesus messed up everything that I had deemed to already be a good life. When He came into my life He changed EVERY plan and EVERY way of life in my routine. And you know what? It was still good. In fact, it is better now because I no longer have control and the one who does have control? Is perfect and good in every way.

Being cut to the heart and repenting should propel you out of your comfort zone and towards Jesus. If you are not cut to the heart, you would be like I was and comfortable being in control and in the same place. There is always room to learn more and be like Jesus. That’s why we must constantly be ready to be challenged by the Lord, especially when things that come from Him (gifts, plans, directions, words, etc.) seem scary. For me, receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit and using the gifts were scary to me. Changing my plans to become a full-time campus missionary was even more scarier than that! Pray and ask the Lord about these questions, then talk to a friend and share with them what He reveals to you!